I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i out mim tonsoeep
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