I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
