I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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