Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
