honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
