Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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