D3 body, D1 cock
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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