Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just cut my nipple shaving
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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