I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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