I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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