And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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