Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize