I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm like, not good at living.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
