coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
