Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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