Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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