I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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