so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
