I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
