Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
