plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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