I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
