Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
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I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
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What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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