Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
