so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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