Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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