Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
