You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
