after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
