Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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