Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
