the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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