i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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