So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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