found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
