I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
