then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I am one with the molecules
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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