I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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