Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
love makes seman taste better
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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