It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
