is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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