No awkward lesbian experiences without me
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
