I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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