I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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