Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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