He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
