i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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