you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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