omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i now understand why vodka
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
