If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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