I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
