someone owes me an orgasm
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
