you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
