Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize