That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
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I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
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Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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