I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
