Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
