Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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