So gin and wine won't be happening again
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
