giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
