He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
FUCK WHALES
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
