I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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