he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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