he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
